mother's day and other gems

So this is the second time I am writing this post because Blogger decided to shut down on me during my last session and not save a single thing!!  I am going to lead you to believe I had a beautiful post about motherhood and all that mushy stuff.  Since blogger changed my mood for me you get the edited and comical version this round.

So here is motherhood in a nutshell....  I love my daughter to pieces.  Somedays I still cannot believe she is mine.  But motherhood is difficult.  It always feels like I'm being put to the test.  This is like college all over again without the late night drinking parties. 

Pre-test (this is to see if you have been placed in the right class):  Pregnacy - your body is stretched to the max, you can't breathe, I never used to snore until I got pregnant, I could have eaten a whole cow and the farmer that came along with her, mood swings, constant worrying and missing the site of your toes or being able to tie your shoes for that matter.

Compency test (once you are in the class, this lets you know where you stand): Giving birth - After 32 hours of labor,  Izzy was born emergency c-section.  No one tells you how beautiful and scary it can be at the same time.  No one tells you once your child and husband leave the room to enjoy each other's company the doctors are taking our your innards just to make sure things are in proper working order.  (Bonus question on the test:  I do NOT want to hear over and over again that you cut my bladder too while you were down there. Keep it to yourself Doc.)

The First Real Test (the one you have to figure out on your own and it really counts this time): Infancy - trying to prove you can do it all, in heels, walking backwards, up hill, in the snow, both ways.  Being able to speak intelligently about different theories, milestones, feeding schedules, napping schedules, being able to pee alone schedules.  But we all know we didn't read the books, we just looked at the pictures and we are really just trying to keep our head above water day by day and hope that no one notices the bruises on your daughter's head because she just started walking but they don't know that.  They start dialing up CPS as soon as you get out of your toy dispersed- goldfish cracker infested - gummy squased - using a baby wipe to clean the leather- mommy vehicle.   

Mid - Terms (this is it, make you or break you time):  The Terrible Twos - my psychology professor used to say it was the Terrific Twos because that is when they are exploring on their own and soaking up as much information as possible.  Well he is wrong, they are terrible and Izzy is not even two yet.  I LOVE the exploring part and the learning new things part too.  I love her little voice and the way she says words.  I HATE how a demon enters her body and takes over the minute something doesn't go her way.  Dear Demon, Please give me back my sweet darling baby girl.  Love, Mommy. 

 The demon starting to take over. 

The Project (the one that is worth 65% of your grade, the one that you CANNOT do at the last minute): The Teenage Years - this includes pre-teens too.  You have to give them just enough space to be an individual but not too much so that they end up wanting fishnets to get into a 21 and over club that you thought they were sleeping over at Suzie's house for a birthday slumber party.  You have to give them enough love but enough discipline.  Try to be their friend without them thinking you will buy them a case of beer.  You have to teach them how to be a good citizen. You have to teach them compassion, sympathy, empathy, how to be humble but not cocky, how to drive, drinking and driving is bad, texting and driving is like the same thing, sexting is gross, using someone else ear-buds is like sharing a pair of used underwear with their friends.  The list is NEVER ending.  Good luck getting all the parts of the project complete.

The Final Exam (you made it!!  You did it!!  Now it is someone else's turn to look after her):  Adulthood/Marriage - if you are lucky enough to send your child off with the love of their life after they graduate from college and become a doctor after running for president, you can give yourself a pat on the back and not worry..... as much.  You hope you did enough in all your other tests to really just let you coast through this test without much stress. 

Who tells you all this before you get pregnant?!?  No one!!  They tell you babies are a lot of work and they are expensive.  SOOOOOOO TRUE but you cannot fail that baby because they will fail right along with you if you cannot make it through the entire class. 

I love my babe.  I worry all the time about her.  I worry all the time about me.  So right now we are taking our midterms and it started out rough but things are going much smoother now.  All I know... is I LOVE this class!!