it's the small things

I've been in a funk lately and just cannot seem to find my big girl panties.  I really lost them this time.  I'm feeling inadequate, under appreciated, homesick, lost and confused.  Every day I'm trying to remind myself that it is the little things that make my life exciting.  Like Izzy's first swimming lesson.  The way her face lite up as we enter the pool area.  The way she jumped off the pool stairs into her daddy's arms.  She knew she was safe.  They way her little body shivered and her lips turned blue once she had to get out of the pool.  Then the crying fit because she did not want to leave the water.  30 minutes of swimming was just not enough for our sweet girl. But best of all, the smiles from both Izzy and Chris as they shared a special moment where mommy was not hovering and they could play as they wanted.  I was a little lost at this moment because I wasn't in control.  I wasn't in the water hanging on to the back of her swimsuit just waiting for her to drown.  Daddy was there and we all know daddy do things differently.  Daddy wasn't being over protective but was still within arms reach, just in case, to let her explore the water on her own.  I say I'm laid back but, secretly, I'm high strung.  I knew she was fine and it was the little thing of seeing them both smile as if they were getting away with something right in front of me that made be sit back and relax and watch the swimming show.

Then there is the sun.  Ever since we've moved to Monterey it has been cold.  All. The. Time.  I'm going crazy.  My legs are so pasty white that people are going to think I'm the Virgin Mary when I put on my swimsuit this summer.  Well I found a spot in our house where I can get warm.  Just like a dog I curl up on the rug in front of our back sliding glass door windows.  The sun shines through there all morning long.  While my daughter reeks havoc all over our living room, I lay there and thank God I can feel my feet at least once today.  

Then there is the little thing of making sugar cookies even tastier!!  Adding frosting and sprinkles to make a cookie icing sandwich which will give you a sugar high for days.  Also having a little table and chairs that I can try and squeeze at least one butt cheek into to be with Izzy while she "attempts" to help me frost the cookie sandwiches.  In fact, Izzy did not frost any.  She ate the cookie, licked icing off her knife, and stuck her sticky fist into the sprinkles to eat them off her hands.  Please note, these are Easter cookies.  Don't judge, it's still April.  I totally forgot they have been in our fridge for at least a few weeks.  There were in a sealed package and still good.  Izzy just thinks they're bunnies not the Easter bunny.  Shhhhh, don't tell her because as well all know, Easter is not my holiday.

Then there is this.......  remember my friend Amanda?  The one who got me hooked on the Twilight saga?  Yeah, well I devoured that book in only 9 days!!  I'm in love and right now I'm with Team Edward.  The book brought back so many feelings of that first love you had in high school.  You can remember the way they smelled, the anxiety of holding their hand and, of course, the first kiss.  How romantic.  So anyway... I plow through Twilight and I finish Tuesday night of this week.  Thank goodness I am meeting up with Amanda on Wednesday so I can promptly get the second book and thrust myself back into the fantasy.  Well I got more then the second book... I got a look into the obsession this saga had become.  I got a look at THE BOX!!  So we are talking, not really about anything important and then Amanda brings out this beautiful box.  The design on it is an elaborate green paisley pattern with a cream color ribbon at it's closure.  Ohhhh!!  I thought she was going to show me some heirloom baby clothes or maybe a collection of old pictures or some keepsakes she had as a child.  (Not really sure why I was thinking that because we've never discuss anything like that).

Then.... she opens THE BOX.... and inside.... was not just all the books to the Twilight saga but all the movies, books on the directors cut for EACH movie and a collectable tin with Twilight themed journals inside (not written in either).  This was way better then heirloom baby clothes!! This one little thing made me gitty!  I squealed and could not wait to share this box with the rest of you.  So the story gets better.  Her husband makes her hide the box.  She once tried to display the box next to her rocking chair but her husband knew if anyone was ever curious and looked inside.... well they might laugh or leave.  Her husband is a man of few words but this one box made him vocalize his opinion.  So where does this box reside.... in a closet.  Fortunately, I know where the closet it is now and if I need a pick me up I will sneak to that closet and have a moment alone with all that sweet Twilight swagger. 

So here is to the little things that make your life exciting or at least give you a pick me up.  I know I am blessed but I'm still searching for my big girl panties.  I will definitely let you know when I find them.